Bold Journey into Burnout

Hi there! I recently was asked to write a little bit for an online publication called Bold Journey Magazine regarding my thoughts on burnout. This is a topic I’ve danced around over the last several years, and often have been in some form of denial about. As I reflected on the questions for the article, I found myself coming to some interesting conclusions. Here is the interview. Please feel free to click on the actual article and follow them for their explorations of other artists out there making a go at staying in the game!

Hi Megan, thank you for joining us today and sharing your experiences and acquired wisdom with us. Burnout is a huge topic these days and so we’d love to kick things off by discussing your thoughts on overcoming or avoiding burnout
I think that ‘burnout’ is not always obvious to the individual who is experiencing it. As someone who has been a nurse for over 20 years, I feel that I was able to recognize it in others way ahead of myself. But looking back on those years, I can see that it drove me into a health crisis.

I was working in the Palliative Care Unit at Vanderbilt when the pandemic hit. Palliative Care is a specialty in medical care that focuses on treating the symptoms of a disease that cannot be cured. Sometimes it leads straight into end of life care in a short period of time. I had been doing this work for the past 7 years and found it rewarding and that it was my calling.

aside here from the article itself - when I wrote that it was my ‘calling’ I felt a wave of grief mixed with self-awareness of WHY I stayed so long - and so oblivious of the burn-out I was experiencing! I mean, aren’t we always on the lookout for our calling?!? And then you have to walk away from it because it’s not good for you?!? Yikes! anyway….

However as the pandemic lingered and our floor became more of a Covid unit each week, I could see that the old guard standards of Palliative Care were being less honored in our workflow. Nursing was being asked to take on more and more responsibilities that were split from our specialty, but we were still attempting to be present in the moments when palliative care was needed (and it was needed at this time more than ever).

More than anything, I wanted to be of service and do the best I could for my patients and also support the staff I was working with, as I was one of the most experienced nurses on the floor. This became very challenging and I left many days feeling unsatisfied because I was unable to complete what I would consider the most compassionate care possible. I was feeling the fatigue of the entire healthcare system grinding the nurses into the ground. I felt a level of fatigue on my days off that was keeping me in bed and I was not able to rest enough. I was trying to stimulate my nervous system that was overstimulated already by consuming too much caffeine and running long distances. I was releasing important music I had composed with my colleagues. I was in therapy and talking about work A LOT.

Guess what? I was BURNED OUT. And I just kept trying to work harder.

And the cancer that I had ‘beat’ in 2016 — it came back in my lymph nodes and suddenly I had to stop everything.

Reminder to self to write more soon about how our society likes to frame cancer as something to ‘beat’ or ‘battle’ or ‘lose to’

My last day on the Palliative Care Unit was emotional for me because I hadn’t shared any of this with my colleagues besides my medical director. Nurses don’t always make the best patients, and I was afraid it would distract my colleagues, who were already overburdened to have to carry this information. In fact the last day of work, Channel 5 News was there and interviewed me. I didn’t tell them it was my last day because I didn’t know. But I did know I was starting chemo in a few days.

A few weeks into chemo (and I decided not to work during this time despite still needing to) I realized I was getting the best rest I had been getting in years because I was away from the stressful environment I had succumbed to burning out in. It was ironic to me – because chemo DOES make you sick – that I was actually feeling better.

As treatment ensued and my scans returned to normal, I slowly began to realize that I needed to return to a different nursing job because the burnout I experienced was dangerous to my existence. I’ve also made other changes in how I approach my busy life and prioritized resting over thinking that being busy is successful.

Have I overcome burnout? I don’t know; it’s an ongoing conversation for me. I do know now that it is empowering to say ‘no’ sometimes so you can say ‘yes’ to living a healthy life. I am still a nurse, just in a different capacity, and that has made better room for my musical life as well, and I am grateful to say I feel like I’m thriving more than just surviving.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
After I released my recordings of the songs I wrote with my nursing colleagues called ‘Take Good Care’ I began doing more writing of my story with the focus on how creativity is essential to healing. I began really learning this in the writing of the songs with my colleagues and I am very proud of the art we made.

As I was doing this I was also contacted by Donna Gaffney, who was working on a book for nurses about this topic and she asked me to contribute a story. The book just came out September 2023 and it is called ‘Courageous Well-Being For Nurses: Strategies for Renewal.’ (John Hopkins University Press) I was thrilled to include the story of how fellow caregiver Anna Henderson and I wrote a ‘Palliative Care ‘ song called ‘Stop For a Minute’ which ended up being featured in an article in Rolling Stone Country.

I am working on my memoir and it is based out of this and my journey as with a dual career in music and nursing. I’m getting closer and closer to being ready to seek publishing.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I never planned to become a nurse. I always thought I was heading toward being a professional musician, but when I got to college, something whispered into my ear and told me to sign up for nursing. I had so much doubt about this, but eventually I was blessed with a wonderful teacher named Deb Shields who helped me access skills I had within me but had not yet realized, and that changed my life to know that I was a good communicator, that I was compassionate, and that I wanted to be of service to the well-being of others. She lives this example for me to this day, and she has been one of the greatest teachers of my entire life.

One of the most important things I have learned along the way, is that to truly learn how to do anything, you have to figure out how to teach it to yourself. Teachers provide tools to learn to think critically and to uncover what you did not know about yourself, but then the work becomes personal and it’s up to the student to discover more by doing the inner work of getting to know their own learning style and what they need to be supported by those around them.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
Since I tend to lean toward being a perfectionist, it is easy for me to become overwhelmed at times because I want to do everything as well as possible. Even when I really focused on staying balanced in my life, this feeling still creeps in, especially when I have songs to learn, deadlines to meet, places to go and other commitments. Besides block scheduling, which works for me sometimes and to-do lists, which I tend to rebel against, I go for walks. If I am feeling particularly overwhelmed, I do not put my earbuds in and tune out to music or podcasts. I tune in to nature. I hear the birds communicating. I look at the clouds. I breath in and out and feel the rhythm of my feet and my legs stretch in larger strides. This is where the answers and ideas can come in. It’s a form of pausing from the screens and apps and sensory overload. Thoughts form and it helps me know what to do, and how to focus my energy better.

Here’s the record we made and released in 2021 as all of this was coming to fruition. I am still learning from this time in my life and writing about it - I am so grateful we were able to create this work of art despite the challenges that presented along the way! https://open.spotify.com/album/25vW43A2fnnm0Yz3mkh7ZA?si=7JXorsUCQcq-cxjitxAHrg

LINK TO ARTICLE: https://boldjourney.com/news/meet-megan-palmer/