The Weight of Changing Everything
This week went by really fast. In my mind it’s only Tuesday or Wednesday but I’m acutely aware that it’s Friday. I”ve been pitter pattering away at ‘The Weight of Changing Everything’ written by Tim Easton this week. Tim and I go way back and I’ve always been inspired by his songwriting and work ethic. I’ve learned quite a bit through the years from him and he’s been a great mentor and friend over time. I’ve discovered who I am as a songwriter and musician through being in his orbit and I have a lot of gratitude for that these days.
Although I’m unsure when this song was written, it reminds me of the time when Tim lived in Joshua Tree, California and I made many trips out there to visit him and Katie. I recorded my record ‘Take You Away’ out there and wrote several songs that are important to me. I feel like he must have been working on this one around that time too.
Right now this song is an anthem to me. ‘There’s only one thing you have to change: everything’ Pow! Right in the kisser there, Tim! Damn! And right now, it feels everything has changed. The way I look at my old self is even different. And now, slowly starting to reconnect with everyone we haven’t seen in a year, and what about how to go about resuming being a working musician? There’s a lot I didn’t actually miss about that. Don’t get me wrong, I totally still love to play music. But there was a toxicity that was happening and growing within me and I resented some of the stuff ‘you need to do’ as a musician to be considered a ‘contender.’ I have been at the brink of ‘quitting’ music and I see it happen to others too. I know how funny that sounds! But it is seriously something that comes up very often for me, because I fall into the ‘what’s the point’ ditch. There’s so many artists like me that work very hard to make good work that never gets heard. I tend to balk at that idea of ‘selling myself.’
Lately I’ve been feeling differently about why I make music and what I hope to do as an artist. I welcome this refreshing change and I feel like the true merging of being a nurse and being a musician has actually happened. Many years passed as I worked hard at both only to end up very tired and possibly not enjoying either thing. I’ve been asking the question lately: What is my calling?
Next month I will be releasing songs each week that show some of this work. In Spring 2020 I started composing a body of work with my fellow caregivers at the hospital. We penned 5 songs that I will be releasing in May. The project is called ‘Take Good Care.’ I can’t wait to share it.
Above is an old picture of Tim Easton and me playing at Stuart’s Opera House in Nelsonville, OH. We were on a tour opening for Lucinda Williams. I think this was in 2006.